I have two brothers and two sisters. Growing up, I loved having a larger family -- never a lonely moment. (Of course on the flip side, rarely a solitary moment either.)
Until I started working in this job, I didn't give much consideration to how having siblings would affect caring for our parents in their later years. While my parents are still perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, as the oldest, I feel an oncoming sense of responsibility. But I live two hours away, as does one of my sisters.
I have another sister and a brother who live in the same hometown. Actually, my brother -- only a senior in high school (that's a story for another blog!) -- still lives at home. So the lion's share of the physical caregiving will probably fall to those two.
My other brother is probably the most business-minded of the five of us, so I can see us relying on him for financial decisions. It doesn't help that he lives in Georgia.
I can begin to see how delicate the dance between siblings is when it comes to caring for aging parents. Others can too.
This week in the blogroll at All Things Aging, two of the blogs posted articles dealing with exactly that:
At Transition Aging Parents, Dale Carter talks about how to deal with a difficult sibling when making decisions for an aging parent. In her post, Dale recommends the book Crucial Conversations.
The February 2 entry at Minding Our Elders features a discussion of the book They're You're Parents, Too: How Siblings can Survive their Parents' Aging without Driving Each Other Crazy
What have you found helpful in relating to your siblings regarding your parents' care?Any books you would recommend? Any strategies that proved successful?
A survey commissioned by homebuilder Pulte Homes said younger baby boomers -- those turning 50 this year -- are not optimistic about their ability to retire.
Forty-one percent say they will never be financially capable of retiring and 23 percent have not even started to save, Pulte disclosed at the International Builders' Show, which was held in Las Vegas last month.
Only 15 percent of boomers surveyed who will turn 64 this year felt that they will never be financial able to retire. Those in this age group who do feel able to retire plan to do so at a median age of 63, compared to age 67 as was reported by the younger group of boomers.
Pulte Homes' Del Webb division builds "active lifestyle" housing communities for people age 55 and older.
For more information about the survey, which included over 1,000 respondents and was conducted by Harris International, click here.
This announcement came from the U.S. Administration on Aging this morning:
Today, President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden will hold a meeting of the Middle Class Task Force, where they will lay out key investments for middle class families that the President will discuss in his State of the Union address, including efforts to expand support for families balancing work with caring for elderly relatives(emphasis added by All Things Aging).
HHS Secretary Sebelius, a member of the Middle Class Task Force, will participate in the meeting, and Assistant Secretary Greenlee will attend with her. The event will be webcast at 11 a.m. EST at www.hhs.gov We encourage everyone to watch!
If you do watch the webcast, please comment here with your thoughts.
Do you know of an older adult who is passionate about making this world a better place? Consider nominating him or her for the Purpose Prize.
The Purpose Prize, an initiative started by Civic Ventures in 2006, recognizes people over the age of 60 who are using their experience and talents to address and solve social problems at local, regional and national levels. Each year 10 Purpose Prize winners are named. This year five winners receive $100,000 to continue their work and five will receive $50,000 for their efforts. In addition, dozens of Purpose Prize fellows will be recognized for using their so-called "retirement years" to bring about needed change in their communities. Some of last year's Purpose Prize winners accomplished the following:
Brought mental health care to 100,000 trauma victims in nine countries
Launched an alcohol/drug recovery program aimed specifically at Native Americans
Designed and engineered "green" bricks for use in construction
Resuscitated a dying farming industry through the use of broadband technology
Created a support system for youth who take on the responsibility of caring for a sick or aging relative
To read the inspiring stories about the work being done by these entreprenurial seniors and others, click here. Nominations for this year's Purpose Prize must be submitted by March 5, 2010. For more information about how to nominate yourself or someone else, click here.
Research is beginning to show that the massage we used to think of as a simple “back rub” is actually a powerful therapeutic tool. This popular therapy is now used to treat a variety of health conditions common in aging adults. Massage by definition is the “manipulation of tissues (rubbing, kneading or tapping) with the hand or an instrument for therapeutic purposes.”(1) There are many types of massage, often distinguished by the techniques applied and the purpose for the massage. For example, traditional Swedish massage is often used to enhance relaxation and increase circulation in muscles and other tissues. This style of massage uses strokes called “effleurage” (a long, smooth stroke that glides over the skin) and “petrissage” (kneading, rolling, wringing tissue). Recent research studies indicate that therapeutic massage may significantly reduce pain and enhance mood associated with osteoarthritis of the hands and/or spine.(2,3) Several studies show that massage can lower pain and anxiety levels in women dealing with breast cancer.(4,5) A specialized type of massage called lymphedema massage can also be helpful in reducing edema (pooling of fluid) associated with mastectomy. (6)
Massage has also been found to have a relaxation effect in adults who have high blood pressure; one study demonstrated that six 30-minute massages over 6 weeks reduced systolic blood pressure by 10 points (mmhg) and diastolic pressure by 5 points (mmhg). (7) Massage doesn’t have to be fancy; one study showed that simple hand massage appears to reduce agitation in some elders with dementia. (8) One doesn’t have to have a significant health problem in order to benefit from massage. Massage increases circulation to skin and tissues and it enhances feelings of well being and relaxation in most individuals who enjoy this form of touch. In these days of high stress, massage may be the perfect way to relax and gain perspective on life. One study has shown that adults aged 60 years and older who received massage therapy 50 minutes twice weekly for 4 weeks experienced significant improvements in mood (decreased anxiety) and self-rated measures of positive well-being, self-control, vitality, and general health. (9)
Who can provide massages for older adults? A certified massage therapist who is licensed or has completed a recognized course of study may provide this service. Some massage therapists have also completed specialized training to work with older adults. Other professionals qualified to provide massage to older adults are physical and occupational therapists and licensed physical and occupational therapy assistants. Massage is not for everyone, and there are some health conditions that prohibit its use. Massage should not be performed on individuals who have skin infections, any acute illness such as flu, and in people who have a fever. Massage should not be performed over sites of recent surgery or open cuts, nor in areas of the body that have advanced circulatory problems. Typically, massage is not prescribed for individuals with epilepsy, some forms of cancer (unless prescribed by physician), or in people with asthma or other severe respiratory problems. (10) Massage performed on older adults must be done carefully to avoid tearing the skin, which is thin and vulnerable to injury. When in doubt, ask your doctor whether you or a loved one might benefit from a massage. In most cases, the cost is worth the many benefits. And, in some cases, health insurance will pay for this procedure. Check to see if your own policy covers this service. Massage may make a big difference in your quality of life!
2. Carrington R, Papaleontiou M, Ong A, Breckman R, Wethington E, Pillemer K. Self-management strategies to reduce pain and improve function among older adults in community settings: A review of the evidence. Pain Medicine. 2008;4:220-224.
3. Field T, Diego M, Hernandez-Reif M, Shea J. Hand arthritis pain is reduced with massage therapy. J Bodywork Movement Ther. 2007;11:21-24.
4. Steurgeon M, Wetta-Hall R, Hart T. Effects of therapeutic massage on quality of life among patients with breast cancer during treatment. J Alternative & Complementary Med. 2009;15:373-380.
5. Wilkinson S, Barnes K, Storey L. Massage for symptom relief in patients with cancer: systematic review. J Advanced Nursing. 2008;63:430-439.
6. Forchuk C; Baruth P, et al. Postoperative arm massage: a support for women with lymph node dissection. Cancer Nursing. 2004;18:25-33.
7. Kaye AD, Kaye AJ, et al. The effect of deep-tissue massage therapy on blood pressure and heart rate. J Alternative & Complementary Med. 2008;14:125-128.
8. Viggo HN, Jorgensen T, Ortenblad L. Massage and touch for dementia. Cochrane AN: CD004989. Date of Electronic Publication: 2006.
9. Sharpe PA, Williams HG, Granner ML, Hussey JR. A randomized study of the effects of massage therapy compared to guided relaxation on well-being and stress perception among older adults. Complement Ther Med. 2007;15:157-163.
10. http://www.massageforailments.com/massage-strokes.phpWhen Not To Massage Retrieved January 10, 2010.
As I was scanning the blogroll on this page, my eyes fell on an entry at About.com's Longevity Blog: Helping Men Be Caregivers. I clicked to read the post because this is a reality in our family right now.
My father-in-law is caregiver to his wife of almost 45 years. She lives in a nursing home near the home they've shared together for decades and he goes to visit her daily. Before her health necessitated the move to the nursing home, he retired from his job to help her at home. He researched home health equipment and purchased a van so he could take her places. He learned to cook.
When the weather is good, he brings her home for a few hours a couple times each week. He grills steak for dinner and brings it to the nursing home to share it with her. On Sunday mornings, he brings the donut holes she likes -- the glazed yeast kind.
For a man who grew into parenthood at a time when the father's job was to work and the mother's job was caregiving, he is an excellent and loving caregiver. But I can tell he is weary. He's told us that.
Mark Stibich, Ph.D., author of About.com's post on the subject, offers some ways to help men in their caregiving roles:
Ask how they are: It is important to acknowledge that illness is hard on the partner as well as the patient.
Give 'em a Break: Golf, fishing -- help figure out how the male caregiver can take some time off. Volunteer to sit with his wife while he relaxes.
Listen: It's hard enough for men to talk about their feelings (excuse the stereotype), but talking about the feelings that come with the illness of someone you love is even harder.
Give some couple time: Offer to babysit or housesit so the couple can have some time together or send them on a weekend away.
Ask for suggestions: Ask the caregiver what would be helpful. Sometimes just expressing your support for them is all it takes.
What would you add to this list?
Certainly this list could apply to men or women. But sometimes we women (ok, at least I) have a tendency to want to rush in and take charge. These suggestions not only give men caring for loved ones an opportunity to express their feelings and their needs, but they give those of us who would presume to rescuers an opportunity to slow down and listen.
Do you know a male caregiver who could use some support -- a listening ear, an hour or two of respite? Call him today.
I received this poem in an e-mail recently and thought it would be nice to share here at All Things Aging. According to a letter to Dear Abby from the author's daughter, it was published and copyrighted by O.S.V. Publications in Huntington, Indiana in 1960.
And while we could argue that the use of the word "aged" is condescending and assuming an elder's wits are slow is stereotypical, I think overall the sentiment -- thank you to those who treat our older adults with dignity and respect -- is worth passing on.
Beatitudes for the Friends of the Aged
Blessed are they who understand My faltering step and palsied hand.
Blessed are they who know that my ears today Must strain to catch the things they say.
Blessed are they who seem to know that my eyes are dim and my wits are slow.
Blessed are they who looked away When my coffee spilled at table today.
Blessed are they with a cherry smile Who stop to chat for a little while.
Blessed are they who never say, "You've told that story twice today."
Blessed are they who know the ways To bring back memories of yesterday.
Blessed are they who make it known, That I'm loved, respected and not alone.
Blessed are they who know I'm at a loss To find the strength to carry the Cross.
Blessed are they who ease the days On my journey home in loving ways.
University of Indianapolis Center for Aging & Community
All Things Aging is published by the University of Indianapolis Center for Aging & Community (CAC). Entries are submitted by faculty, staff and students and are edited and uploaded by Communications Manager Amy Magan.
CAC works with individuals and organizations to enhance the quality of life for older adults through consultation, education and research. The Center provides outstanding education, raises awareness, promotes best practices, collaborates with partners, and builds organizational and community capacity.
For more information about our online graduate-level courses or our current programs and initiatives, please visit http://cac.uindy.edu
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